When I was a kid and going to powwows, no matter how big or small the powwow was, no one seemed to care. I don’t ever recall anyone not dancing or participating based on the powwow not being good enough. Everyone seemed to be there for the same thing and glamour never took over. I never felt excluded, I never felt under or over dressed in my regalia, even though it might not have been as fancy as other peoples. I see pictures now and notice maybe I wasn’t as put together as I felt at the time. I was aware of other peoples regalia being much flashier than mine, much more expensive materials than I had. But I never cared, I just thought they were lucky and beautiful. Maybe that was just a child’s view. I feel the same way now, I adore the regalia and the people. I feel like they must have put a lot of work into their outfits. I’m just as at odds with my body as I ever was. Still not as put together as I think I am.
When I’m with my ‘cousins’ there is an unequivocal comfort I feel, where I’m at home. I don’t feel judgement baring down on me, I don’t feel ashamed like I made a mistake or I might suddenly make one. I don’t feel that too often anymore, but when I do, it is the most comfort and I don’t want it to end.
About a year ago I ran into some ‘cousins’ at Costco. It was a short interaction, but I wished I’d gotten their number. They had a new baby and we talked about getting powdered milk, but what would we use it for? It was a ‘need’ based on how we grew up. Neither of us bought it. Nowadays its so much easier to just go buy a fresh jug.
Kalaya Point 