Irrational Fear Becoming Rational

Acrylic on canvas

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When I was in art school we had a project where we would paint a theme. Then paint over it with another in the same theme. We painted that same canvas four times. It was all documented on slides. Which were included in the final Presentation.

My final presentation was a woman’s bones with clothing. It had progressed from live woman of course and this person was eventually degraded to bones. I won’t get into what that artwork was all about. But my professor at the time liked the final product the best. She commented on the discomfort of it. How it had the most feeling to it.

At the time I looked at all the pieces and saw that the previous paintings had been well done. This last one I wasn’t so sure of. Although I worked hard on it, the end product was so far from where it started. It was well beyond it’s previous parts.

Now I realize that was the beauty of it. It’s purpose. The discomfort in that piece of art made it mean so much more.

This painting has turned up in the same realm for me. While the picture has changed from my original plan, the meaning behind it has stayed the same.

The more I read and discover about my history, my culture and the history of my people, the more passionate I become.

Although, I feel like that may be a misleading statement. I have always known the kinds of things my people and myself had sustained. The problem is, that it has never gone away.

These problems that our ancestors had with integration into a new time and a new world has never been addressed as it should have been. These things have been allowed to fester and effect future generations in the most horrendous ways.

Our inner struggles and fears aren’t as irrational as they might seem. Sooner or later it comes for us all.